Monthly Archives: December 2021

Sexual performance is the enemy of the first time

Sexual performance is the enemy of the first time

Dr. P K Gupta, sexologist in Delhi, provides some advice to allow everyone to have a good first sexual experience.

The average age at first intercourse in India is still 17 years. Does this mean that adolescents do not put pressure on this point?

No, because behind this middle age hide different realities. I note in my office, that more and more young people start their sexuality early (around 13-14 years) and that on the other hand, others start it later (around 20-22 years). Because young people identify themselves in relation to their group of friends. If in this one, the age of first intercourse is around 14 years, the teenager will put pressure on himself to conform to the rest of the group. In addition, there is early puberty in some boys, who may suddenly feel hormonal pressure and start their sexuality early.

How do you know if you’re really ready for your first report?

Pleasure is not given by nature, it is built. Starting your sexuality, therefore, requires psychological maturity and a good knowledge of your body. We are ready when we start to feel desire and the imaginary linked to sexuality creates emotion. But also when you know your limits and you feel ready to refuse certain practices if you don’t feel like it.

Do we live it better when we have known our partner for a long time?

The first time, it is not a story of love, but of trust. So choose a person with whom you feel safe.

Does the environment play a decisive role in the quality of the first report?

Yes, because it influences practices. If you make love in an outdoor place and risk being surprised, intercourse can be stealthy and stressful. The car does not provide optimal comfort either. It is therefore better to wait until you find an intimate and secure place.

How can you prevent apprehension from becoming inhibiting when taking action?

Stress can lead to sexual breakdowns and early ejaculation in boys. And in girls, vaginal closure. Some young people drink or smoke to get dizzy or give themselves courage before taking action. This is a bad idea, because not only will they not be in full possession of their means, but they may no longer listen to their own limits and those of their partner. If the fear is too great, it is better to give up the report and wait to be really ready. In the meantime, the bodies can begin to tame themselves with hugs and kisses. The condom can also be a source of collapse, it is also preferable to practice putting it on before the first time.

Are certain sexual positions recommended for the first time?

That of the missionary, even if in terms of sensations it is not the best, but it is reassuring and allows you to pass the test successfully.

Are the partners able to communicate enough about their desires or their dislikes?

Not enough. However, the ideal is to speak with your partner before or during the first intercourse to clearly express what you accept or not. For example, you must refuse fellatio or sodomy if you do not feel comfortable with these practices. Ditto when a bug occurs (premature ejaculation, stampede…). A real flop can give rise to a real bond between partners, provided you don’t leave humor in your pocket!

Many young people are imbued with images of sexual performance. Are they preventing them from living well this first time?

Sexual performance is the enemy of the first time. And porn is not a good school of sexuality. The first time is an initiation rite, not a paradise of the senses! The important thing is to feel good together. Some boys will feel incompetent if they can not do exploits and may feel some shame.

Does a missed first time have consequences for her future sex life?

The first three sexual acts play the role of imprints that the brain will keep in memory. These images can weaken the individual. And contrary to popular belief, the consequences of these failed first times are often more painful for boys than for girls. Early ejaculations or outbursts can create anxiety which will resurface with each new partner. Girls are more prepared for disappointing first reports because they have been told of the pain they may experience. Most of them, therefore, tend to put things in more perspective. But those who have had the feeling of being tricked because they accepted a practice that disgusted them can also be blocked afterward and have vaginismus.

Should we then talk to loved ones?

If the first time was difficult, it is imperative to debrief the experience either with a loved one (big brother, friend) or a sex specialist in Delhi, so as not to let settle post-traumatic stresses.

First Time Sex

Does The Very First Time Determine All The Others?

“The very first sexual relationship should not be idealized or distress us because it does not necessarily determine future sexual life,” says Dr. P K Gupta, best sexologist in Delhi.

At least, in the event that it does not go as well as hoped, it must be kept in mind that sexuality is a matter of experience. Thus, if we are convinced that the first time is decisive, then it risks being so, including negatively, if it goes wrong. Focusing on a bad experience, whatever it is (inappropriate partner attitude, violence, etc.), with the risk of crystallizing a false belief, can effectively freeze us in a role that hinders sexual fulfillment. The sex specialist in Delhi advises to exchange with his partner, to express what we liked and what we did not like. If suffering, consider talking to a third person, or even a specialist if necessary.

Also, making love for the first time is a very special moment, which can generate a lot of expectations in men and women, even though, paradoxically, they have very little experience. To the pleasure of the carnal encounter are sometimes added awkwardness, pain or fear. For example, describes Dr. Gupta, “too strong and uncontrolled desire of the male partner can lead to premature ejaculation, which does not mean that it will happen again, that one is an early ejaculator. Likewise, in the feminine, the fear of having pain during penetration or the modesty of showing one’s body can prevent letting go and diminish the pleasure. Dissipate and give way to other sensations and new desires.

Despite everything, the first time remains a special moment insofar as each brings into play, in the performance of the act, his personality, his representations of sexuality, his gender identity as a man or woman, his sexual preference, his capacity to be in relation with the other in intimacy, his education, his inheritance. This is what makes this banal experience a unique event. And, when everything goes well, a first “successful” time builds confidence and constitutes a positive basis for the future of her sexuality.

Not innate

Accepting that the first time is above all a step can also be reassuring. Indeed, it is often mistakenly believed that sexuality is something innate, yet it is learned, like many other things. Sport, an activity which also requires some bodily skills, but which is far less complex than the sexual act, is often approached more rationally: “We know that a first ski descent will often be strenuous, but the more we start the more fun you have on the slopes. With sex, basically, it’s the same,” comments the sexologist in Delhi. In addition, sexuality is something dynamic, which evolves throughout life. Indeed, we do not have the same needs, the same desires and the same expectations at 20, as at 40, at 60 or after. And, whatever the moment of existence, these expectations may also vary depending on the partner. These are just as many reasons to adopt a positive attitude towards her sexuality and to rejoice in future experiences.

Some tips to start your sexuality

  1. Exchange with your partner. Dare to talk about what we liked and what we liked less.
  2. Know how to question your own beliefs and not freeze in a role or in a negative experience.
  3. Finding out about sexuality, knowing how it works often allows you to play down and change your beliefs.
  4. Recognize that experience plays a role and that sexuality evolves.
  5. In case of doubt, bad traumatic experience, questions, and needs, do not hesitate to contact specialized organizations such as Family Planning.
Erection Problem

Keeping a Good Erection: Everything to Counter Erection Problems

Erectile problems such as impotence affect the majority of men at least once in their life. Often transient, they are caused by physical or psychological factors. What are the different erectile dysfunction and how to counter it?

What is a male erection?

An erection is a reaction of the body due both to a physiological neurological phenomenon, which is therefore triggered by a brain mechanism and to a vascular phenomenon, in other words at the initiative of the blood system. It is a hardening and swelling of the penis due to an abundant flow of blood to the area. Concretely, the corpora cavernosa, the elements that constitute the penis, are engorged with blood, making the penis firm and dilated.

The erection can be triggered by stimulation, arousal, or sexual attraction, but not only. This is, for example, the case for nocturnal erections. It can also take place during the day, caused by a relaxation of the body or certain movements that stimulate the penis.

Erection problems: what are they?

There are several erection related disorders, which usually result in an inability to get an erection. They have different origins, whether physiological or psychic. These disorders are defined by insufficient rigidity of the corpora cavernosa, which keeps the penis in a flaccid state. This state disrupts the course of sexual intercourse and in particular prevents the penetration or practice of certain acts. Similarly, it is possible to have a “soft” erection, that is to say where the penis is not in its state of maximum rigidity.

The origin of erectile dysfunction

Most of the time, erectile dysfunction is of psychological origin: stress, a lack of self-confidence, fatigue, or sadness can counteract arousal and/or prevent an erection.

They can also come from a vascular dysfunction, that is to say at the level of arteries and blood circulation. Indeed, the penis being a highly ribbed area, a problem with blood pressure can have consequences on erection. The same goes for tobacco, alcohol, and diabetes, which influences the arteries. Finally, it can also be a hormonal problem, especially from a certain age. In men, androgen deficiency can appear, which impairs erectile functions.

Techniques to keep your erection

It is quite possible to control your erection to make it last longer while having fun. Indeed, the erection is partly controlled by the mind, by focusing on it, it is possible to maintain it for a relatively long period. This requires knowing your body and your desire well and knowing how to understand your pleasure while maintaining it at a certain level.

Thus, each man has his own technique to control his erection during intercourse. Some think of something else to get the excitement down, others slow the pace of intercourse, etc. It is also possible to change position or opt for a sexual practice that does not involve going back and forth with his penis (unlike penetration), such as cunnilingus. This variation will mark a pause in the movements and slow the rise of excitement in the erogenous zone, says sexologist in Delhi.

Impotence: what to do in the event of a “breakdown”?

As we have seen above, erectile dysfunctions can be transient and are caused by different origins. Thus, heavy consumption of alcohol, heavy fatigue, or a lack of self-confidence can cause what is commonly called a “breakdown”. Impotence is an erectile disorder that prevents men from having an erection or that causes only a partial erection.

In the event of a one-time breakdown, there is no reason to worry about a priori. Relax and try to determine the potential cause of it. On the other hand, if these impotences are repeated, it is preferable to consult a doctor to determine if a neurological or vascular dysfunction is at the origin.

Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation, what if it was in the head?

Why can some men delay ejaculation and others not? Premature ejaculation is still poorly understood today. Some sexologists in Delhi may preach that ejaculating quickly is a false problem, the fact remains that the sexuality of many couples is disturbed. Research would finally explain this phenomenon.

For some, premature ejaculation is a false problem, which women, emancipation requires, would be at the origin! Always more demanding, they would claim the right to pleasure and require men to know how to hold back. From there to make the fairer sex responsible for this sexual disorder, there is only one step … that some do not hesitate to take. Basically, if women knew how to content themselves with what is offered to them, there would no longer be an early ejaculator but only men who would ejaculate more or less quickly! … Fortunately, some sexologist in Delhi does not see it with this eye.

How is premature ejaculation defined?

We speak of premature ejaculation when the man cannot control his excitement and the time of ejaculation. There is no defined duration. It can occur before, during, or just after penetration. It is not a disease; the early ejaculator works very well sexually. About 30% of men face this problem on a regular basis.

A multifactorial origin

Men who are concerned with premature ejaculation have greater excitability than others. The origin of this problem is not very well known but premature ejaculation is considered to be multifactorial. For a long time, it was considered that the cause was partly psycho-behavioral. The stress, in particular, is often put forward in sexual problems, like the fear of failure.

But it can also be due to the consumption of certain drugs (cocaine, amphetamines) or more rarely to certain organic pathologies (too short foreskin, infection of the urethra or prostate …).

Premature ejaculation: the role of serotonin

The biological origin is also more and more put forward. It has been known for a few years that drugs usually used as antidepressants, the ” serotonin reuptake inhibitors ” make it possible to lengthen the delay in ejaculation in early ejaculators. But we did not know the mechanisms involved. 

It is now done; a team of Dutch researchers having demonstrated that specific serotonin receptors are involved. These receptors, located in the central nervous system, are less sensitive to serotonin in early ejaculators. This lower sensitivity does not allow the man to delay his ejaculation. Serotonin reuptake inhibitors cause a longer action of serotonin which helps to overcome their insufficiency.

Since April 2013, a first treatment, dapoxetine has received a marketing authorization (MA) in the treatment of premature ejaculation in men aged 18 to 64 years.

Premature ejaculation: research must continue

This discovery only sheds light on the mechanisms involved in triggering ejaculation. The veil is just lifted. Research on the neurobiology of human sexuality is still in its infancy. Similarly, studies on this sexual dysfunction are still questionable.

In 2001, an article surprised that no rigorous definition of this symptom was retained internationally. The criteria for inclusion in the studies are left to the discretion of the patient who calls himself a premature ejaculator, which discredits the conclusions of his clinical studies.

However, the methods of learning to control ejaculation have proven themselves. Their effectiveness, which varies greatly from one man to another, can be explained by the more or less pronounced sensitivity of these serotonin receptors.

What is the ideal time for intercourse

What is the ideal time for intercourse?

When you take action, the stress of performance can take over your body. How long must sexual activity last for your partner to enjoy? A 2005 study reveals the ideal time for intercourse. We tell you everything.

The vaginal sexual act is limited to the period of time during which the man is erect. Contrary to urban legends, it is not these moments that determine the quality of a sexual relationship. Decryption.

30 minutes: it’s too long

A group of sexologists has attempted to define the ideal duration of intercourse. Assessment: penetrating antics lasting 15 to 30 minutes is described as “too long” by the patients. They represent stress for men and boredom for women who admit to being distracted from the activity. According to the analyzes of these researchers, the ideal time for intercourse depends on the nature of the couple and the quality of the foreplay. The majority of study participants said that foreplay is ideal when it represents two-thirds of intercourse.

1 to 2 minutes: it’s too short

Sex is not limited to vaginal penetration. They must be preceded and surrounded by caresses, for certain couples of discussions… Then, a gesture by guiding another, this moment of bodily complicity slides naturally towards the sexual act. According to the study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, the ideal time for intercourse is not determined by vaginal penetration. However, when it lasts only one to two minutes, women generally describe it as “too short”. The only exceptions: women who have orgasms before or those who manage to have them during this period of time.

7 to 20 minutes: the ideal time

Most of the couples who participated in the study seem to favor sexual activity of about twenty minutes, 7 to 13 minutes of vaginal penetration included. Finally, this study, therefore, recalls what you already knew. The ideal time for intercourse matters less than its quality. In order for it to be appreciated and considered beautiful, the people studied reveal a need for confidence and affection. In other words, the more you love and the more you will feel loved by your partner, the more your sexual intercourse will be fulfilled. More than the duration of your activity, it seems essential to think of giving pleasure to your partner to satisfy him. It is not so much about taking as giving, making love is a sharing much more than a performance.

sexual dysfunction in women

Sexual Dysfunction in Women

What is sexual dysfunction?

It is a term that refers to any sex-related problems. It can be suffered by both men and women. The best sexologist in Delhi is a health professional who can treat such problems. There are four types of sexual problems in women.

  • Desire Disorders: If you are not interested in having sex or have less desire to have sex than you had before.
  • Awakening Disorders: It refers to the lack of sexual response in your body, or when you cannot stay excited.
  • Orgasm Disorders: When you can’t achieve an orgasm, or you have pain during it.
  • Disorders that cause pain during sex: If you experience pain during or after sex.

What causes sexual dysfunction?

Many things can cause problems in your sex life. Certain medications such as oral contraceptives and chemotherapy drugs, diseases such as diabetes or high blood pressure, excessive alcohol use, or vaginal infections can cause sexual problems. Depression, interpersonal relationship problems, or abuse (current or past) can also cause sexual dysfunction.

You may have less desire during pregnancy, immediately after delivery, or while you are nursing. After menopause, many women feel less sexual desire, have vaginal dryness or pain during intercourse (penetration of the penis into the vagina), due to the decrease of a body hormone called estrogen.

The stress of everyday life can also affect your ability to have sex. Being tired from a day of hard work or caring for young children can affect your sex drive. Either you may be bored by a sex routine that has lasted a long time, or by a little “wise” companion on this ground.

What to do?

If desire is the problem, try to change your usual routine. Try to have sex at different times of the day or rehearse a different sexual position.

Awakening disorders, talking to your partner, perhaps the problem lies in a lack of practice, as a prolemenous relationship.

If you have trouble reaching an orgasm you may rush to achieve that end, thus interrupting your personal rhythm; it is also possible that it blurs the problem by thinking that the sexual act consists only of orgasm, so the persecution of this as the sole purpose, will cause that it is not achieved.

If you are having pain during sex, they can often improve with the use of a vaginal cream or sexual lubricant for dryness, try different positions, a warm water bath before sex can help.

Do I have a problem?

Up to 70% of couples have sexual problems at some point in their relationship. Most women will have sex that doesn’t satisfy them at some point in their lives. This does not necessarily mean that you have a sexual problem.

If you don’t want to have sex or if the sex you have never satisfies you might have a sexual problem.

Discuss your concerns with the sexologist in Delhi. It can always help you find the causes and find ways to solve the problem.

Can therapy help me?

Yes, however, each person needs personalized attention.

Go to a sexologist in Delhi, why don’t you find out? Do you know how your life would change if you renewed your sex? Or will it improve them?

What about my partner?

Talk to your partner about what everyone likes if you don’t know how to approach the topic, help with a sexologist in Delhi.

Perhaps they are missing experiences that they both want and by not expressing them, they are suppressing them.

Maybe we need to adjust rhythms.

Don’t forget that the brain is the first and most important sex organ, and fantasy your most powerful weapon.