Dr. P K Gupta, sexologist in Delhi, provides some advice to allow everyone to have a good first sexual experience.
The average age at first intercourse in India is still 17 years. Does this mean that adolescents do not put pressure on this point?
No, because behind this middle age hide different realities. I note in my office, that more and more young people start their sexuality early (around 13-14 years) and that on the other hand, others start it later (around 20-22 years). Because young people identify themselves in relation to their group of friends. If in this one, the age of first intercourse is around 14 years, the teenager will put pressure on himself to conform to the rest of the group. In addition, there is early puberty in some boys, who may suddenly feel hormonal pressure and start their sexuality early.
How do you know if you’re really ready for your first report?
Pleasure is not given by nature, it is built. Starting your sexuality, therefore, requires psychological maturity and a good knowledge of your body. We are ready when we start to feel desire and the imaginary linked to sexuality creates emotion. But also when you know your limits and you feel ready to refuse certain practices if you don’t feel like it.
Do we live it better when we have known our partner for a long time?
The first time, it is not a story of love, but of trust. So choose a person with whom you feel safe.
Does the environment play a decisive role in the quality of the first report?
Yes, because it influences practices. If you make love in an outdoor place and risk being surprised, intercourse can be stealthy and stressful. The car does not provide optimal comfort either. It is therefore better to wait until you find an intimate and secure place.
How can you prevent apprehension from becoming inhibiting when taking action?
Stress can lead to sexual breakdowns and early ejaculation in boys. And in girls, vaginal closure. Some young people drink or smoke to get dizzy or give themselves courage before taking action. This is a bad idea, because not only will they not be in full possession of their means, but they may no longer listen to their own limits and those of their partner. If the fear is too great, it is better to give up the report and wait to be really ready. In the meantime, the bodies can begin to tame themselves with hugs and kisses. The condom can also be a source of collapse, it is also preferable to practice putting it on before the first time.
Are certain sexual positions recommended for the first time?
That of the missionary, even if in terms of sensations it is not the best, but it is reassuring and allows you to pass the test successfully.
Are the partners able to communicate enough about their desires or their dislikes?
Not enough. However, the ideal is to speak with your partner before or during the first intercourse to clearly express what you accept or not. For example, you must refuse fellatio or sodomy if you do not feel comfortable with these practices. Ditto when a bug occurs (premature ejaculation, stampede…). A real flop can give rise to a real bond between partners, provided you don’t leave humor in your pocket!
Many young people are imbued with images of sexual performance. Are they preventing them from living well this first time?
Sexual performance is the enemy of the first time. And porn is not a good school of sexuality. The first time is an initiation rite, not a paradise of the senses! The important thing is to feel good together. Some boys will feel incompetent if they can not do exploits and may feel some shame.
Does a missed first time have consequences for her future sex life?
The first three sexual acts play the role of imprints that the brain will keep in memory. These images can weaken the individual. And contrary to popular belief, the consequences of these failed first times are often more painful for boys than for girls. Early ejaculations or outbursts can create anxiety which will resurface with each new partner. Girls are more prepared for disappointing first reports because they have been told of the pain they may experience. Most of them, therefore, tend to put things in more perspective. But those who have had the feeling of being tricked because they accepted a practice that disgusted them can also be blocked afterward and have vaginismus.
Should we then talk to loved ones?
If the first time was difficult, it is imperative to debrief the experience either with a loved one (big brother, friend) or a sex specialist in Delhi, so as not to let settle post-traumatic stresses.